Boots: How to Kill Your Sex Life in 5 Easy Steps

And Kill Once More

And Kill Once More (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are you tired of your sex life? Do you feel the excitement of intercourse is over-rated? I mean really, the passion, the excitement, the satisfaction, and (at times) the mild cardio work out —who needs it? Perhaps you’ve tried to kill off your sex life with neglect, stagnation, and starvation to no avail. What most people don’t realize is that even the weakest sex life can survive for years on next to nothing and can threaten to rear its bothersome head at any given moment. By following these five simple and intentional steps, you can finally get rid of that pesky sex life once and for all. (more…)

May 1, 2012 at 6:54 pm 1 comment

Mittens: Crap I’ve Learned

The Scenic Railway at Luna Park, Melbourne, is...

I will most likely not be remembered as the “greatest sage of the twenty-first century.” However, I have learned a few things on this roller coaster called life.

Here are the nuggets of truth that I’ve discovered for myself:

  • After a good nights sleep many problems DO seem smaller…or at least more manageable.
  • 40% of the time the weather person is correct (10% of the time).
  • Common courtesy and customer service are almost as obsolete as the terms pantaloons and bone corsets.
  • Fast-food dining is never fast…especially during the lunch rush.
  • Fortune cookie predictions are cruel jokes sent to us by the gods on ever-increasingly small sheets of paper.
  • 4-year-old children and 11-year-old children have the same temperaments.
  • Over-draft charges suck! (There’s nothing worse than paying $30 extra dollars for a bag of $3 sugar).
  • No matter how many nights are included in your DVD rental plan, chances are you’ll go over by at least one night.
  • Inevitably you will hear your parent’s words coming out of your own mouth and as a result you will die a little on the inside.
  • If you wear white or cream colored clothes, you WILL drop something that will leave a stain on yourself somewhere.
  • The one day you make a “quick run to the store” in your pajama bottoms or grub wear, you are sure to run into someone you haven’t seen for a years (the state of your appearance is directly proportional to how much you care about what the person thinks—bags under your eyes and pants that make you look 10 pounds heavier ensures that you will run into an ex-boyfriend from high school).
  • At one time or another you WILL accidentally text or email the wrong person.
  • You WILL say or do something stupid in front of a large group of people before you die.
  • Men rarely — if ever — find the elusive “G Spot“.
  • Not every woman’s abdomen bounces back like Angelina Jolie or Kate Hudson‘s after having a baby.
  • Women bosses are often bitchy
  • There IS such a thing as a mid-life crisis.

Since I haven’t cornered the market on wisdom. If you have some nuggets of knowledge you would like to add, please feel free to offer your own truths.

April 23, 2012 at 5:12 pm 6 comments

Boots: Money “Whoas”

International Money Pile in Cash and Coins

No, this is not a chance for me to lament my financial woes. (Note the spelling of the word in the title.) The money “whoas” I’m talking about refer to the reactions we have to different money related situations. Here are some of the “whoas” I’ve experienced or observed. You may have your own “whoas” to add in the comments section. (more…)

April 17, 2012 at 2:58 am 2 comments

Mittens: Menopause—Forget About It

Drinking your way through menopause...

Drinking your way through menopause? Where do I sign up?

Menopause. What a strange word. Where does it come from? What does it mean? I had to know so I looked to the Worldwide Web for answers. Apparently the word comes from the French words menos and pausis which basically mean, “the end of the month.” It’s too bad we don’t say menopause with a heavy French accent. I think it would sound really nice.

Two years ago, at age 40, I had my hormone levels tested. At the time, it was more of a curiosity than anything else that prompted my request. My body was only acting a little strangely. The hot flashes and night sweats hadn’t become too unbearable, and my mood swings didn’t seem to “swing” any more out of control than normal. (My husband may have a different opinion on this matter.) In fact, the only reason I even suggested that my doctor test me was due to my forgetfulness.

I’m not talking about general forgetfulness. I’m talking “walk out of your house in your underwear” kind of forgetfulness. Of course when the neighbors ran away screaming, I knew I needed to be proactive. To be honest I was starting to worry about Alzheimer’s. However, after reading several articles on the Internet I decided it might be more of a hormone issue. (more…)

April 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm 10 comments

Boots: I’m Not a Super Model, and That’s OK

Swimsuit fashion parade at Government House, B...

Looking forward to these swimsuit fashions coming back in style.

For years I labored under the delusion that in order to be attractive, I had to look, act, and dress like the super skinny, super sexy, super models that graced the pages of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. This was not only ridiculous but a complete waste of time. Try as I might, I will never look like one of those tall skinny models. First of all, I’m only five feet, four inches tall. Second, the only time I’ve ever weighed less than 140 pounds I was in junior high. And third of all, well…I don’t think I need a third thing…

We women are very critical of our bodies. We can blame this on the media, society, our mothers; whatever we like. But the fact remains that most of us will never be happy with our bodies because we set unbelievably high standards for ourselves.

As hard as it may be for us to believe, men (in general) don’t hold us to the same ridiculous standards that we do. If they did, many men would spend their lives alone and sexually frustrated. Because, let’s face it, there aren’t that many super models to go around. (Incidentally, if a man is trying to hold you to impossible standards, kick him to the curb. He doesn’t deserve you.)

(more…)

April 11, 2012 at 4:37 pm 11 comments

Boots: Why Did I Want to Grow Up?

Mortgage rates historical trends

Mortgage rates historical trends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been looking into refinancing my house. I sent an email to a mortgage broker and used words like escrow, fixed rate, mortgage insurance, and principal payment. When did I start caring about estimated rate of return on investments and life insurance quotes? Yesterday I stood and spoke to a man outside the library gathering petitions to put an issue on the next voting ballot, AND I was actually interested in what he had to say about our government policies. I have officially turned into a bone-fide adult. When did this happen?

When we were children, we couldn’t wait to grow up. Every birthday brought us closer to being an adult. Remember turning 18? Remember thinking, “Now I’m an adult. I can vote and buy cigarettes.” Then turning 21, and thinking, “Finally, I’m an adult, I can drink and rent a car.” Then turning 30, and thinking, “I’m an adult. I have gray hair and laugh lines.” Ahhh, impetuous youth.

(more…)

April 5, 2012 at 3:29 am 7 comments

Boots: Love/Hate Being a Mother

I saw the most infuriating Facebook occupation the other day. A person wrote: I work at the best job in the world as a stay at  home mommy and wife. I threw up a little in my throat as I read it. I think it was the use of the term “mommy” that made me cringe. I too am a stay-at-home mom, and I fight tooth and nail against that title every day of my life. However, it seems everything I do to NOT look like or act like a mom, makes me look more like a mom. I find myself saying things like, “I’ve told you thirty times not to do that” “When will you listen?” and the classic “Because I said so.”  (more…)

March 16, 2012 at 2:55 am 9 comments

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